The Reason
by Trav-Smash-69
Summary: *NOT COMPLETE, I've decided to turn it into a full chapter story. CHAPTER THREE UP NOW* Tao Ren isn't himself. Labeled a scitzophrenic psycho with random acts of lust and paranoia, he struggles to get by. He needs to quit that which hinders him.
1. Chapter One: Click

YOOOO!! I am Trav-Smash-69 (As if you didn't know that) Just so you guys know, I don't own Shaman King, Tao Ren, or any of the characters. (If I did, I would be posting it in a book, not on this site. ) Just so you know, yes I am a male, since for some reason most Tao Ren stories are written are by females. Please rate & review I LOVE YOU!

_All day_

_Staring at the ceiling; making_

_Friends with shadows on my wall_

His heart beat in his ears. As it pounded much harder than normal, he felt his shirt shake a bit.

Strange I know, he wasn't himself on this day. His feelings had once again got in the way.

Teeth grinding against teeth; nervous insomnia was taking over. His hand grabbed the remote, with the glare of the tv's flashing colors, showing on his face in the dark room.

He sat curled on the couch, a blanket around him, his finger pressing that channel button repeatedly, passing a multitude of stations, not finding one he was interested in; cartoons, weather, news, and about fifty music video channels that never played music videos.

Even worse, he happened to come across a show that made him feel sickened; Ninja Warrior.

They had some odd reality shows, with 'Who wants to Marry a Millionare,' 'Survivor: Some Random Place,' and sometimes as odd as 'Flavor of Love,' but Ninja Warrior took the cake. It was a disgrace, he thought, of true Ninja's that existed in Asia.

But of course, he was a Shaman, so why let that bother him?

Ice skating. Click. Basketball. Click. Ripley's Believe It Or Not... much more interesting to the sardonic male, as he sat, cutting down everything he saw. He'd already seen this one though, so he clicked past it again.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Blink. More disgrace. Click.

Oh look, a gossip show on VH1, full of celebrities begging for your attention, through babies, marriages, horrible break-ups and well as the marriages that last two minutes, and who can forget the drug scandals, rehab, and the plastic surgery rumors. Who cared anymore? His mind was wandering everywhere, and never where he wanted it. Click.

Lifetime. God damn this channel to Hell and back. The golden orbs stared at the screen intently. He seemed to find more interest in this than his own life, though they seemed to always mirror. With his recent seperation, he found comfort in watching other people go through the same agony on such a station, full of movies about REAL things; not some movie about people in a heist, fake badly dubbed kung fu movies, or the occassional romance film about a couple that seperate and get together after so many years, that would never even happen, and only half of it was based on the book.

_All night_

_Hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep_

_Because tomorrow might be good for something_

The rest was jammed in there to make for a more interesting movie, and the real idea is then, lost. He found no real intelligance in the world anymore.

Here he sat, unable to sleep, and simply thinking of everything BUT the problem he wanted to think of. Another click.

A slender pale milk-colored digit rose to tuck a tress of purple behind his ear as he continued to click through the stations, but to no avail. His hair was thick, and so it promptly moved back into place.

He made it to a late night soap opera.

Three, two, one... the kiss happened, before someone in the show happened to walk in at that very moment, which made for a more interesting plot.

I mean... what would be interesting about finally two people being together with no drama? What's so interesting about the real world, eh? Click.

The last click did it. The blinding television screen was off, and the male sat in complete darkness, and silence. The beating of his heart was no longer in his eardrums, and the silence had become most unwelcome. The insomniac slowly realized that he looked rather idiosyncratic.

He had his arms wrapped tightly around his knees that had buckled early on and were now pressed against his chest, and he was rocking back and forth, as if suddenly a cerebral breakdown was about to occur.

He finally let himself roll to the side, laying upon the couch with capacious eyes. The twenty-two year old needed to shut his voluminous eyes and get to sleep, but his mind withheld him from slumber.

Throe was exhibited in his otiose optics, but still they never closed... this youth felt troubled, he did.

_O_ _h but,_

_I'm feeling like I'm headed for a_

_Breakdown_

_And I don't know why_

If you want a story of love and devotion, with a perfect family, and a bountiful plethora of joy and friends... go somewhere else.

Click that back button.

If you want me to tell you that the male in this story, finally got to sleep for at least a second, please second guess yourself.

This isn't the kind of story you're gonna want to read. It leads a life of rather depressing entitys.

He sat up and his blanket fell from his body; feet shifted beneath him against the hardwood floor as he was soon found standing by his window, looking out at the busy city outside the complex he stay in.

How enticing.

He wish his remote could click that away too, to something more interesting, but the world doesn't work that way. He couldn't take his remote and press rewind, to change his life. He couldn't forward ahead, to see how things might effect him. He couldn't pause to think about what was about to happen in his life. Even more... he couldn't click to a different scene.

He couldn't click from happiness to sadness.

He couldn't click from tragedy to comedy.

He couldn't point it at his family and click them to someone else. He couldn't. He couldn't point his remote at his ex girlfriend, and make her love him again, and he sure as hell couldn't go back and mute himself... perhaps stop himself from saying some things he shouldn't have said.

She was the only one who knew the other side of him. Otherwise he was a clown, putting on a mask and a show for all to see. He was good. Too good... at acting his part.

hose unfortunate to know, thought he was crazy it seemed. He didn't know if he knew himself anymore at times. From all the times sitting alone in the car with her, making love, to all the times wishing she were gone and wishing he never said 'I love you.' He needed this drama like he needed a needle. He just didn't.

His mind wanted to agree with everyone else. He was crazy. He was. But that would be taking the easy way out; to plead insanity, when he knew better than that. If he somehow had found someone else to see the other side of him, then maybe it wouldn't be all that shocking that he rarely got sleep, and that he was always tired and desperately running from something.

_But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_

_I know, right now you can't tell_

_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_

_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired_

_I know, right now you don't care_

_But soon enough, you're gonna think of me_

_And how I used to be..._

He could remember all his old times with her. It was different. He knew what love was, and could easily acknowledge it. He was a totally different person.

All the times he was happy. They were jolly times... that now mocked him with their cruel indifference.

They now haunted him, with smiles and regular behavior that he now lacked. The pictures and movies playing in his mind that he now wished he would forget.

Now the girl that he just left, probably doesn't even know him anymore.

His friends had grew quite distant from him and his mind was having a hard time comprehending it.

He was always a bit alone... aside from the fact that love was nothing that went around in his family, besides from his sister. But with her death, it brought pain... quelling he desired, just to see the outcome.

His spirit guardian wasn't the same around him. He was more than just submissive now. He rarely spoke to him, afraid that he would be overstepping his boundries once again.

He couldn't remember the last time he was happy, truly, even when it was minutes ago. He was jolly, of course, when he spat in his love's face, claiming to never having loved them, but it didn't last. He thought getting rid of her would make him feel better. But it didn't. It never did. He was always full of hate at some end, he just needed a way to redirect it.

Fighting was usually how he did that, but always fighting with ruthless anger, was also a flaw. He wanted to leave his complex and go for a walk, but it seemed to never cease to amaze him, how his friends had begged him not to leave it and do something reckless.

On the ride from Beijing to Tokyo, he had to constantly look away from the people on the train. At the station, he had to end it finally with his former love, spitting out words of hate and spite that he didn't expect would leave his lips. His dirty embouchment... shame on him! He knew better than to say such things.

Therefore everyone there had heard his little heartless speech and were thus conversing amongst themselves over it... or so Ren thought that. That's when it began. Paranoia. He figured that he was now the center of the universe, that everyone was watching what he did for countless flaws. It didn't feel good.

_...Me, talking to myself in public_

_Dodging glances on the train_

_And I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me_

_I can hear them whisper..._

He rubbed his wrist slowly, his fingers coming across the paper with laminate on it to make it look fancy; the hospital wristband with his name on it.

How did he get it?

Many people that day decided to be rather judgemental, and who ended up going to a mental institution for a day for a psychiatric evaluation?

Him of course.

His eyes rippled over the words of a doctor, so horrible in nature, he wondered where he got his cursive skills from. His eyes then gravitated over his name, Tao Ren.

He didn't recognize his face with this name. He couldn't be in this predicament. He wasn't Tao Ren. This male had been thinking to himself, over the fact that possibly, he was in over his head, and losing his mind. This couldn't be.

He was now talking to himself. "I've made a mistake... but I know I can fix it," he muttered, his mind clouding. His hand shifted around in his pocket, a bit wildly before he finally came across his cellphone. His shaking fingers grabbed it and he opened it up, punching in the numbers needed for her phone.

He had tried to block out and forget everything having to do with her, and it would prove to not work... except in the case of her phone number. He now couldn't remember what it was. But Ren was determined. He would punch in numbers all night until he could remember. His insomnia wasn't letting it's grip. His guilt and self-hate brimmed in his soul. The days were shorter and the nights were longer. Ren's eyes glared down at the phone as he continued to press keys.

Once he reached a number, he would listen long enough to hear the person's voice. If it wasn't hers, he hung up without a second thought.

His teeth once again, grinded together, reminding him of the dream he had a few weeks back of his teeth falling out, that scared the living hell out of him, was indeed merely a dream. Ren thought of googling the meaning, or even going to wikipedia, but why waste time on a site with customizable words that anyone could change to their will to suit their opinions.

Ren was getting calls back.

The people he had called and hung up on were now calling. His eyes were drawn down, and he could only imagine the words they would have to say to him, a complete stranger, that may have pissed them off. Ren seemed to fall into a small mode of scitzophrenia, and he chucked his phone out the window, breaking the glass, and letting the phone fall to the outside.

Ren bit his lip tightly and he couldn't help but grin slightly. That let out some of his tension. His eyes closed some before his grin soon scared him. His hand had come over his face before he pulled the now shaking curtains to his features, and he closed them, making the broken window invisible to him.

_...And it makes me think, there must be something wrong_

_With me.. Out of all the hours thinking_

_Somehow_

_I've lost my mind_

_But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_

_I know, right now you can't tell_

_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_

_A different side of me_

Ren contimplated his sanity then. It seemed that what had happened, ended up being the last straw.

He was alone all of his life, but nothing like this. His sister was always there. Bason was always there.

But now, he had drifted so far away from them all. His friends that he thought he had... had been pushed so far away from him that it was now hurtful to even think of them.

But now he found that the violent things, made him feel a bit better. Throwing his phone from a tall building, crashing through a window, made him grin for the first time in forever. With finally everyone shut out from him, he was trying to find anything to bring him back to how he once was.

He was never this bad. Ren didn't know how he could've let himself get this bad. His eyes drifted toward his shadow on the wall. He had a better time recognizing that, then he did his own reflection. He was just a shadow of what he used to be. Ren found himself to be rather pathetic.

"What would Nee-san say to you right now," he asked himself before whispering, "Why would she care anymore?" Ren's oculars, with a dark golden shade, seemed to twitch some at the thought of ever seeing her again. He was falling apart. He couldn't face her. She was the closest thing he had to a real mother, since he wasn't close to his real one.

She wouldn't want to feel like a failure, because of his sudden fails. He didn't want her to think of him that way. How would she deal with the fact that he had to go to a looney bin for a day?

He was sleeping in his bed soundly, when he heard a banging on his door.

Paranoia sunk in.

People WERE watching him, and they were now out to get him.

Scitzophrenia sunk in.

Something bad was about to happen, and he needed to stop it. He didn't want to be taken away. He didn't want to die... mentally, emotionally, psychically.

His hand gripped onto his chest, before grabbing the expensive vase to his right. It had writings of love, all carved in chinese. His love had given it to him. He didn't know why he still had it with him. Perhaps he had forgotten about it, or maybe it was because he wanted to at least still keep it there as a reminder of the senses of security that she brought him sometimes.

Chucking the vase at the door, he screamed as loud as he could. "Leave me alone!! I don't love her!! I never loved her!! Stop watching me!!" But of course, that was a dream.

He was busy screaming in his sleep, causing the neighbors in the rooms in the complex around him to call 911, not knowing what was going on.

That day, Ren was awoken to the feeling of a needle, and a jacket being placed on him, before he felt an odd hugging feeling. It felt good. He liked it; like someone was finally there to comfort him... but they were his own arms in the jacket, coming around him. He then spent the rest of the day, in a calm cell, while people talked to him and evaluated everything he did.

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired_

_I know, right now you don't care_

_But soon enough, you're gonna think of me_

_And how I used to be_

_I've been talking in my sleep_

_Pretty soon they'll come to get me_

_And they're taking me away_

Ren hated it, and he didn't know what to do do anymore. He loved her with all his heart, but he lied. "I never loved you! You wish I loved you," he had screamed. He had yelled in her face. He had done things that no man should ever do... not even to another human being, much less someone that indeed, he loved.

He walked back over to his couch and sat down, wrapping the blanket back around him with an insinuating glance toward the remote. He was just unwell, and he needed time to heal.

He bit his lip tightly when he felt a small tear begin to well up.

No, Tao Ren didn't cry... but he wasn't Tao Ren anymore. He wasn't strong anymore. He was bitter and full of hate, and that made him weak. The tear that fell solely from his right eye, solidified his thoughts. That tear, also made him weak. He wasn't Tao Ren anymore.

Tao Ren wouldn't have let this happen. Tao Ren wouldn't have picked up that clicker once again; and Tao Ren wouldn't have let himself lay in his self-hatred, and turned on the television once again... ignoring his phone even though he knew... she was calling.

His wishes were answered, she was calling him back to talk to him. Ren wanted to talk. But his phone was smashed on the concrete... fifty flights down.

Drama. Click. News. Click. Disney Channel. Eck. Click.

What's the point anymore?

Click.

Just click your life away.

Click.

With nothing to watch; click, and nothing to take away the pain; click.

Ren needed a sudden burst of feeling. His remote was his phone, and the television was a window to the outside world.

As the remote knocked into the television, hard enough to break the screen, Ren smiled, feeling how the sudden bursts of light from the TV had soon been silenced. And as the sun rose, he sighed.

Time to sleep.

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_

_I know, right now you can't tell_

_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_

_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired_

_I know, right now you don't care_

_But soon enough you're gonna think of me_

_And how I used to be..._


	2. Chapter Two: Obsession

_Love me cancerously_

_Like a salt sore soaked in the sea_

_High Maintenance means..._

_You're a gluttonous queen;_

_Narcissistic and mean._

Soundlessness.

Silence.

Hush, still, and mute.

Whichever way you say it, it was all the same.

The male sat with his diginity sure in his eyes. How avaricious, how he wanted her all to himself. He would push her so far away that he would wonder why they kept returning to eachother. It was simple. They were both covetous minds, craving concupiscence.

Amativeness, lust; that unitchable itch; that unquenchable thirst; the unquelling hunger...

Whichever way you say it, it was all the same.

Ren tried to remember a time when the sex was for infatuation. His attraction to her had simply become more than a dark obsession; a fixation preoccupying his cerebellum. The mania of his fetish was truly, unhealthy at the least.

They were no longer lovers; partners in crime was the correct term. They hated eachother, and probably hoped that one day while they were 'fucking,' that the other would possibly drop dead. How perturbing, I know. Ren didn't see it as all that unsettling. His real state of mind was so far in left field now days that he had to force his mind to other topics.

That bothersome television wasn't around to keep his attention any longer.

"Humph... I don't need you, Kiyuki," Ren spoke, rubbing his shoulder a bit, feeling that the muscles had tautened. With the mere syllables of her name breaking from his voice box, Ren tried to keep those exact thoughts from sight.

Standing up he decided it was best to get dressed, eyeing the bottle of vodka that he had emptied out. It was night after all. He needed to reinforce his feelings, and get Kiyuki back.

Just for a bit, he told himself. Just till I find some real love, he told himself. He sounded like a druggie when he thought to himself.

Just once, just one more time, then I swear I'll quit.

He wasn't an addict to sex, God no. He was addicted to her. She was the perfect drug. His devotion to her was one that most found quite... distressing. It wasn't ideal.

She clung to him like sequins. He thought of abdicating her, but that wasn't ideal to HIM. He told himself it was love, when he new the filthy truth. The dirty truth; that made himself feel as bad as a garbage truck at times. But he couldn't cede. He couldn't... _**WOULDN'T** _ give up Kiyuki. Ren couldn't imagine waiving her; in his eyes, she would always be his, in a sense. Despite the fact that they did nothing but have intercourse, eat, and occassionally talk to eachother... their relationship had become nothing less than an awkward gawk, much how Ren would awkwardly gawk at himself in the mirror as he was getting dressed.

The ogle at himself was more hateful. He moved away from it as soon as possible, simply making sure that his hair was straight as he placed a large black jacket on and slipped on some flip flops, heading out the door. His style of dress nowdays was much different than it used to be.

With the Shaman tournament having ended, with him not the King to rule over all Shaman, he had given up on looking prideful. He was now greedy, lustful, and possibly sloth induced... but pride was a sin, he no longer had the will to commit. However, Kiyuki was gluttonous and mindless and only thought of what she wanted, which was slightly like this male in a way. She was quite prideful in herself, other than Ren, who was ridden with self-hate that he himself had wrought. Such vanity... Ren found it sexy in a way that it made him sick. He hated how she thought she was everything he needed... which is why he was drawn to her.

Buying her everything she wanted... taking her anywhere she wanted to go... Ren couldn't say no, and he only did at the wrong times. But it was time to claim her again; no... she was always claimed. It was time to bring her back, from the place Ren had driven her to; it wasn't his fault that he thought she was the one at fault, when he couldn't even bring himself back from the place he drove himself to.

He would do everything needed for her. Such a high maintenance lady needs to be pampered. Funny... Ren thought of the sex as often dirty and disgusting... but she relished in those thoughts, she did. He knew she did. He knew her too well... or so he thought.

_Kill me romantically_

_Fill my soul with vomit_

_Then ask me for a piece of gum_

_Bitter and dumb, you're my sugarplum_

_You're awful, I love you!_

As he stepped inside of his dark blue Sedan, his eyes looked at the dashboard, eyeing an odd item that was placed on it.

Dark violet, with the characteristics of a bra but thinner and more skimpy, and of course without the places for breasts to rest. He picked up the thong with his forefinger and thumb, and threw it to the back of his car, watching it land on the backseat. He knew how it ended up on the dashboard.

Ren knew.

When his hands had slid down her thighs and come in contact with the fabric, he had gripped it tightly, and slowly pulled it from her legs, and up over her stilettos. He pulled it gently, as if wanting to eye his way up and down her legs to what he wanted. He tossed the poor excuse of an article of clothing over his shoulder, letting it drop upon the dashboard. As Ren's golden eyes had looked down, he dipped down low, placing his hands at the insides of her thighs, to part them; the show had begun. He watched her pleasured expression as he began...

Ren shook his head as he placed the keys into the ignition of the car and started it, shaking the thoughts as far away as he could, which wasn't that far since he had to turn around as he backed out of his car lot that was connected to the complex, and his eyes drifted down a bit, looking at the female garment.

Ren looked up just in time to stop himself from backing up into another car. He felt his cheeks redden just slightly.

How embaressing.

He faced frontwards and he pressed his foot faintly against the gas; increasing the pressure steadily until he was moving at a good constant rate, as he slowly navigated out of the car lot.

"Dammit, Kiyuki," he murmured beneath his breath, with images and reels of footage from their rendezvous' displaying in his mind.

He quickly gasped, making sure that he immured it back into the depths of his mind. His wants and needs no longer had to be focused on what she could bring him. Being, that all she would bring him is pain and pleasure, at the time no doubt.

Pleasure of the body, and pain of the mind; much like a thousand daggers stabbing him. His body thought it felt good... how it matched with the pain. It was all part of the fun.

Ren continued on his way to the place where she had left him. It was him that drove her away, but none the less, he never thought that for once, that he and her were more so than an item and it was thus, both of their faults.

As he made it onto the road toward the train station, his eyes narrowed a bit, passing a motel. Dark, filthy, and disturbing were the words to describe that motel. Room 3 was left in quite a mess. Ren could remember everything perfectly; the reel began.

When he had layed her down upon the bed, and she was practically begging for his mouth; what other thing to do than to comply.

His mouth slanted over hers, before feeling that her's was quite open, and he had been shocked to feel a tongue dart out to touch with his own. His eyes closed as he reached back, grabbing a handful of her black hair and pulling it back as he let his own mouth muscle explore the confines of her mouth. His tongue slowly roiled over the top of her mouth; feeling every ridge he claimed it, and he felt satisfied.

His hands were on their way to her mammaries, with his eyes opening to the sound of her moaning graciously into his mouth. They seemed to battle within the kiss; their mouths couldn't get enough of it. He hated her. He did. But that's why he loved her.

_She moves through moonbeams slowly_

_She knows just how to hold me_

_And when her edges soften_

_Her body is my coffin_

As his tongue retreated to slide along her bottom lip, he felt her head tilt quickly backwards as his hands had ran down her shirt and found her breasts. His fingers rolling up and down the most sensitive spot, he soon realized that this wasn't the reaction he was looking for. His hands grabbed the shirt's top that happened to be nothing more than a V-neck that went down to the crease in her chest created by her C almost D cups.

His hands ripped the clothing away from her and he looked down to see that the shirt had a built in bra. Kiyuki was now bare from the waist up. He loved how she looked. She was gorgous.

His hands slowly rose to run his hands over her breasts, with the nipple being squeezed between his middle and ring finger as he moved his hands up and down, receiving a satisfying moan from her, before he withdrew his hands with a grin. Such a tease.

Her arms wrapped seductively around Ren's neck, and looked up at him, carefully imagining what his muscles would look like when the shirt he wore was removed. Kiyuki's lips slowly curved into a grin before she pressed her chest to his, kissing at his neck.

Ren closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, liking how it felt, before he clutched her shoulders and pushed her down upon the bed, gaining control once again. Kiyuki giggled and she smiled seductively toward her man.

"You can't have me if you play rough, Ren," she whispered, with her optics continuing to look up and down his body. She adored it. She loved that it was all hers.

Ren gave her the smirk that told her that he had dirty thoughts in mind, but she beat him to it. She had turned on her stomach and looked back up at him over her shoulder, with her black hair tucked behind her ear, letting her green eyes look up at him; the flick of her tongue did it.

Ren leaned over her, letting his hand slip between her and the bed, resting upon her stomach. His head slowly tilted down and he nipped lustfully at her neck, before kissing the spot softly, hearing her small gasp with a hint of his name on it. She leaned up into him, his hands holding her up before she pressed her hands to the bed to hold herself up.

Ren pressed the now bulged spot of his pants into the back of hers, and seemed to grind hearing a groan that made him feel quite satisfied. Kiyuki could feel the rosiness fill her cheeks as Ren's hand on her stomach reach down to her pants. Slowly undoing the button, and quick to unzip the zipper, his free hand grabbed at the back of her pants and pulled them down, ripping them away from her body.

Doing so caused her knees to buckle onto the bed. Ren gave a sexy growl and his teeth clamped down gently on her ear as a signal to get back up. As Kiyuki moved back to her normal position, Ren hand had ventured into her underwear. What a shame... no thong this time around.

He liked the sound of her gasp as his middle finger sneakily made it's way past her lips. Slowly sliding up and down her labia, he liked the sounds that she began to emit; that she tried so hard to omit.

Ren smiled some before whispering into her ear. "You like that, Kiyuki...?"

Kiyuki slowly licked her lips, before she closed her eyes slowly. "Y-yes," she murred out.

Ren licked his lips. He liked this. His hand moved down farther, before slowly letting his two digits enter her pussy. Kiyuki arched her back and her hands gripped at the sheets. Ren could feel himself grow hard at the mere sound of her.

His hand moved back and forth, with his fingers moving in and out of her. Kiyuki let her mouth hang open as she gasped for breath, before she felt saliva drip from the side of her mouth. It was so erotic, she couldn't help but let Ren's name break from her voice box. He smirked some.

He had her.

_I know she drains me slowly_

_She wears me down to bones in bed_

_Must be the sign on my head that says_

_Oh, love me dead! Love me dead!_

Ren continued this motion, before his fingers began to make a scissoring motion, upon feeling the wetness cover his fingers. His free hand took a dip(making a prompt moan erupt from Kiyuki's mouth), and he lifted it to his mouth; he sucked it from his fingers. He licked his lips and gazed down at her.

"You taste so bittersweet, Kiyuki," he whispered.

She blushed some and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Sh-shut up... and keep going..."

Ren began to then pull his pants from himself, but only enough so that when he pulled his manhood from the hole in his boxers, that it had room. He lowered her panties and he stopped his hand movement, knowing exactly what she would do.

She seemed to whine some, bucking her hips in disapproval. "Reenn... I didn't tell you to--"

Ren silenced her as the head of his penis was now at the only opening that was above her womanhood. Kiyuki gasped slightly, before feeling him slowly but surely slip in. Without any lubrication of any kind, it did hurt a bit, but since Ren had restarted the movements inside of her with his digits, Kiyuki noticed that it didn't take long before Ren was snug inside of her.

Ren looked down at her and he seemed to grin. "You ready?"

Kiyuki nodded, unable to speak without possibly making a rather embaressing moan. Ren slowly began to move back and forth inside of her, hearing small grunts from her. He closed his eyes some, loving the feeling of moving in and out of her. His digits were now moving in time with his movements, with Kiyuki begining to feel the pain turn to an odd feeling, having not been entered this way previously. But that feeling soon became pleasure.

"Uhhhhh... ohhh Reeennn," she moaned, with her hands gripping at the bedsheets for dear life it seemed like.

Ren loved her moan. He opened his eyes to look down, seeing himself thrust in and out; he couldn't help but adore that visual. It turned him on like nothing else.

Ren's fingers left the inside of her, and rose up to meet with her clitoris. She gasped and suddenly blushed, letting out an almost desperate sounding moan. "F-faster!" she seemed to command.

Ren complied, and he tried his best to supress a groan that threatened to jump up and out of his throat. Kiyuki felt his pulsing member slide in deeper, making her upper body give out. She was now laying on the bed. The only thing that wasn't layed down were her hips; Ren was holding them as he pressed in and out, keeping them in place, with the help fo Kiyuki's knee's which were growing quite weak.

"You're going... dee... ahhh," she whimpered in pleasure, feeling how Ren continued his hip movements, and had now began to move her clit in a circular motion, making her gasp in ecstasy.

Ren was getting close to his climax. Kiyuki closed her eyes tightly and let her cheek rest down on the bed, hearing the bed hit the wall some from how fast and deep he was moving. Only then, did Kiyuki realize that the window in the motel room was open, and that they might be heard or seen. But they were on the second floor, so not only were the chances of that, slim... but either way, Kiyuki didn't care. It felt way too good to stop now.

Kiyuki felt Ren's digits reach her opening again, before she heard him moan. "Ohhh God... Oh God Kiyuki," he groaned before he thrusted in harder, reaching his peak and cumming inside of her.

Kiyuki felt him place three fingers inside of her as he gave one last hard thrust, and she came with him. With the last scream of his name, she felt Ren slowly pull of out of her, her body falling upon the bed.

Ren fell down beside her, not even caring about the mess they had made. He licked his lips as well as his fingers and he propped his head up on his arm.

"You were good..." he whispered, before kissing her on her nose. Kiyuki had passed out upon the bed.

_You're a faith healer on TV_

_You're an office park without any trees_

_Corporate and cold_

_Gushing for gold_

_Leave me alone_

That night was one to really remember. It was by far the best sex that he had ever had.

Was that of love though? Some of it was, but the rest, just like his life nowdays, was consumed with lust. She was beautiful, and he wanted her sexy body all to himself.

As Ren let the memory end, he continued driving past that motel. He was more than just aroused now, but he knew that he couldn't relieve himself at the moment. He was driving, for one, and for two, he could almost predict that Kiyuki was gonna take him back simply upon arriving.

She always took the train on her way home from work. He would meet her there and they would ingage in a little chit-chat. Ren was only thinking of the good side of her though(If indeed, lust was the good side). She could also be the fakest of people, that would exchange 'I love you's like baseball cards between two ten year old boys. She could be the coldest of people, that would exchange 'I hate you's in the same instant, and possibly mean it. She would say she never meant it later, to simply get Ren back in bed with her.

Ren frowned on it. That's all their life consisted of anymore. A good sex life made for a good relationship, but this was plainly ridiculous. She could also be the most greedy person, worse than Ren. Ren wanted her to himself, but she wanted him and everything else in the world. He would take her to the mall and she could pull him into every store she could.

Charlotte Russe. Claire's. Forever 21. Hollister. Aeropostle. Pants Towne. Anchor Blue. Abercrombie & Fitch. Limited Too. Vivid Cherry... the list goes on.

She would grab his arm and pull him toward a store, basically emptying his wallet in one store, before pulling him into another. Ren didn't mind. As long as it kept her around. But nowdays, Ren was getting tired of always magically pulling money from his pocket to pay for every little thing that she would ask for. It didn't feel good to be broke all the time, and that's what Ren was.

Broke, damn near all the time.

Ren would buy her a new car, new wardrobe, and plenty of jewelry, and have nothing to spend on himself. The sex wasn't making up for it anymore. The fact that they loved eachother wasn't even enough anymore. Their love had been reduced to nothing but lust.

Ren sighed some. Sometimes he wished that she would just leave him and never come back, but he knew that until he got a stable relationship, she was his drug. He needed her until he could stand on his own. But like a drug... she was crippling him, not helping him.

She was his crutch, not the leg brace that would make him better.

Ren growled some. "But don't sweat it Ren... when you see her, you will make everything straight all over again... I promise," he whispered, speaking to himself in the third person.

Ren soon reached the train station. He parked his car right outside(not even in the parking lot) and he ran inside, hoping to catch her just as she stepped off of the train... and there she was.

_You suck so passionately_

_You're a parasitic psycho filthy creature fingerbangin' my heart_

_You call me a drunk_

_Does the fun ever start?_

_You're hideous, and sexy!_

Ren slowly stepped toward her. There she was; Kiyuki Okama.

And here he was; Tao Ren.

Kiyuki had her large bag on her shoulder, that was clearly oversized, but that was her style it seemed. It read, Hollister. She had short-shorts on and a blue Aeropostle tee.

Ren's feet on the ground toward her, weren't loud, but she still noticed the familiar figure gravitating toward her. She seemed to smirk some, not at all caring about what he said before... or so he thought.

She seemed uneffected by him suddenly showing up. He didn't like it one bit. Kiyuki's green eyes blinked slowly, giving birth to a giggle as she looked toward Ren.

"Missed me, did you?"

Ren wasn't here for games. That was the word for it. Game. All of this was a game. She thought of it as a game, so he did too. Why not? That's what life amounted to wasn't it? Games? It felt that way. He grabbed her by her wrist and growled some.

"I came back for you. You're coming home with me tonight."

Kiyuki was a bit surprised how Ren would just show up whenever he pleased. She pondered kicking off her flip flop and smacking him with it, but decided against it, since he seemed to have a pretty tight grip on her wrist.

"Oh? What makes you think I am gonna return to you?" Kiyuki smelt the air a second. "...Vodka?"

Ren laughed some before kissing her softly on the cheek, before smiling at her. "Because I love you, dear, Kiyuki," he lied.

He knew he didn't. She knew he didn't. She didn't even love him. They both knew the truth... but they liked the way that the lies sounded more than the truth, so that was the code that they all seemed to follow.

Kiyuki tried to pull away from him, but soon noticed that he wasn't about to let go, or take no for an answer. She licked her lips and smiled in his face, seeing him stand up straight with an angered expression.

"Why should I believe you? I am completely content on leaving right now, dear. It's over," she whispered low. Why you ask...? To make him listen harder.

Golden eyes focused upon her face, full of a sardonic facial expression, nearly mirroring the sarcasm that he was known for. He couldn't help but narrow those same hues as his grip on her wrist increased.

She was content on not taking him back this time, and he knew that crying was something he couldn't... _**WOULDN'T** _ do. Ren's anguish turned to rage; he was good at it... good at his part.

"This game of cat and mouse that we have... I'm sick of it, but this game isn't over until I say it is."

She looked toward him before slowing slipping her hand into the pocket of her purse. Applying once again another layer of lipgloss, she did so, knowing it just pissed him off. The idea that those lips would be kissing another... made his blood boil.

She liked how sexy he was when he was mad; like a man who would fight for what he wanted. But his chance, was over.

"Well then, have fun playing with yourself," she whispered, able to quickly get her wrist free and walk off, since his grip on her faded; his expression changing dramatically.

It was finally over... and he lost.

_She moves through moonbeams slowly_

_She knows just how to hold me_

_And when her edges soften_

_Her body is my coffin_

_I know she drains me slowly_

_She wears me down to bones in bed_

_Must be the sign on my head that says_

_Oh, love me dead! Love me dead!_

Ren watched her walk off. He couldn't believe that it was over now.

She would always return to him. This was improbable, Ren thought to himself.

He felt his fingers that rested on his arm in a fold... twitch in anger, as well as his eyebrow. His digits tapped his arm and he couldn't help that part the left side of his lip was rising slightly, much like a dog when it growls. He couldn't let it go like this. He just couldn't.

She was his addiction... his obsession. But of course, he was just another man to her. Ren wasn't about to let her just walk out. Over his dead body.

He trotted out after her, before his 'trot,' turned into a race. He ran toward her, seeing her from afar, walking out of the train station. He followed her out, pushing open the door to the outside, and he looked around for her. She was already in the parking lot, getting into a car. He growled to himself, noticing that she was getting in the passenger side.

Someone else was driving?

He looked at the bumpersticker on the back of the car that read, "Girls Gone Wild."

Either her driver was a lesbian, or a guy... and it was obvious that either way... she had found someone new. He decided to make himself known to her knew love. He grinned at the thought of telling him of all of their sexcapades.

As he reached the parking lot, Kiyuki seemed to gasp, before looking toward the driver. He was a male with piercing purple eyes, with long scarlet hair that fell upon his back like daggers. His hair was spiked once in an odd bang before his face.

He growled and looked toward Kiyuki. "Who the Hell is this?" he asked with a glare.

Kiyuki began to stutter over her words thinking of something to say, before watching Ren place his hand on the hood of the pitch black Honda Civic. The male put the car in park and he jerked his seatbelt from his body. Kiyuki looked toward him and she gasped some, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Tso don't do something drastic!"

The male, Tso, promptly stepped out of his car and he looked toward the heliotrope tressed male, Ren.

"Who the Hell are you?" he asked, before grabbing Ren's wrist. "Get your filthy hands off of my fucking car."

Ren jerked his hand away and he pointed inside of the car. "You think you can just take Kiyuki from me? Who the Hell are YOU?!"

Tso pushed at Ren's shoulders, shoving him off. His eyes gave a glower before he brushed himself off, as if not even wanting to be near him, must less push him away.

He slammed the door of his Honda and he spit to the ground. It was intended for Ren but the wind was kind. "Tso is all you need to know, pussy," he said tilting his head to the side at the last word; mocking him. "Don't tell me you LOVE her. She hardly knows what love is."

Kiyuki spoke up to object when Tso banged his fist on the window, not even taking the time to look toward her. She was insignificant at the least to him. "Shut it, girl."

Ren didn't like Tso at all. He ripped his jacket from his body, revealing that he was wearing no shirt beneath. He spit to the ground as well, noting how it landed on his shoe. Tso scoffed and rubbed his foot in the road.

"Kiyuki is mine, dickhead," he said, also tilting his head to the side in the same manner. He usually didn't speak so vulgarly, but he needed to get his point across to this bastard, the correct way.

_Love me cancerously..._

_Brrrrrat-da-da-d-da-da! Brrrrrat-da-da-d-da-da!_

_How's your new boy? Does he know about me?_

_You've got the mark of the beast_

_You're born of a jackal! You're beautiful!_

Tso snickered and he kicked a rock out of the way, as if he would be ready to fight him.

"Oh, nice clothing, faggot. Where'd you buy it? The Chinese Thrift store on Gay Pride Day?"

Ren smirked some before rubbing the skin beneath his nose and looking down at the ground rather smugly. "Heh. You're resorting to the lamest of insults. Why don't I just beat your ass now, and you can hand over Kiyuki to me?"

Tso laughed some and he shook his head, looking toward the shaking beauty as she sat in the passenger seat. "Heh... Naw. She is perfectly fine with me, ISN'T THAT RIGHT?" he asked before he banged once again on the window, this time breaking it. She gasped and screamed some before clinging to her seatbelt and moving as far away from the shattered glass as possible. She didn't even notice the shard of glass that was in her shoulder at that moment. It had pierced her clothing.

Tso looked toward her, seeing that she still had not answered, and his oculars gave that glare that told her... she had better say something he wants to hear.

"Y-yes," she whispered in the dark of the car with the lovely tinted windows, except for the windshield.

Ren smirked and he pointed toward her. "She is mine. I marked her."

Tso looked toward him and he cocked a brow, trying to understand what this male meant by that. Tucking a sliver of crimson locks behind his ear, Tso let his lofted brow lie as he licked the blood from his fingers, from having slammed his fist into the glass window; it would never come out, unscathed.

Ren's twisted grin widened if that was even possible. "Check her neck. There are hickeys."

Tso looked toward her. Kiyuki quickly lifted her shoulders and pulled her collar up to her neck. Tso scowled and he opened the door to the car, grabbing her arm and moving to yank her out.

"Get out here and let me see you whore!"

Ren just watched. He smiled almost inhumanly and he snickered. He didn't even bother picking up his jacket. He fingered down into his pocket, before he rested his hands there, walking off, before his smile faded.

He thought that Kiyuki getting what she deserved was what he wanted. He thought that walking away while hearing her get abused by the obvious woman-beater would make him feel better...

But it didn't. He wasn't that far gone, that it would make him feel better. He should've turned around. Ren should've turned around and stopped the injustice... Tao Ren would've done it, but he wasn't Tao Ren anymore.

Ren stepped into his Sedan and he thought of how he was gonna go home and fall asleep... but the poor insomniac knew that he couldn't.

He then figured that he could stay up watching television, or at least flipping through the channels. But then he remembered how he destroyed his TV.

He would sit at home and stare at the wall all night. He now... quit his drug.

Time for the withdrawls.

_She moves through moonbeams slowly_

_She knows just how to hold me_

_And when her edges soften_

_Her body is my coffin_

_I know she drains me slowly_

_She wears me down to bones in bed_

_Wha bout the sign on my head that says_

_Oh, love me dead! Love me dead!_


	3. Chapter Three: Perspectives

I am gonna start naming the song used in each chapter. :D

Yes, this story is no longer labeled complete, due to popular demand.

I have gotten, lots of PMs, threatening me, to come to my house with an army of penguins if I stopped writing.

x.x So.. yeah. I am writing more. xD Making a whole chapter story.

**_Song: "House of Wolves" by My Chemical Romance_**

* * *

_I know a thing about contrition,_

_Because I got enough to spare._

_And I'll be granting your permission,_

_Cause, you haven't got a prayer._

Ren hated days like this.

Called in for another psychiatric evaluation.

Ren placed his hands together and he intertwined his digits, letting them rest in his lap, before he leaned against the right arm rest of the chair. His legs crossed and he looked the man in the eyes; they were the closest things to his real eyes.

The man wore large thick rimmed glasses that rested two inches too far down his nose to do him any good. Ren chose to rest his eyes upon those instead of his eyes that were a bit too blue for his taste. His office was too untidy... and too brown also. I digress.

Ren found many things that were in obsessive or excess. He was bored. Most people with obsessive compulsive disorder, pointed this out. Was Ren OCD as well? He'd already been labeled schizophrenic and paranoid. What else can this doctor add to his lovely list?

After scribbling words on a notepad for seemingly an hour(not like Ren was keeping count of the time), he spoke up.

"Tao... Ren."

Ren nodded indulgently. He was proud to be called his name. He was happy to be proud for once. For once, the ring of his name made sense to him... after all, a guy who thought he was crazy was saying it.

The man seemed to be flipping through notes on his desk, almost frantically, before he spoke again.

"Your file... intrigues me."

Ren cocked a brow. ...Did he just say intrigues?

Ren also felt jolly to be near someone with an easily justifiably good vocabulary. He was obsessed over that lately since recently he had resorted to refer to a certain man with a few words of... indifference.

The man continued to flip through papers and manila folders before he came across the one he was looking for. He looked up at Ren, upon opening the folder, but made no comment, as if simply taking that time to make a mental note to themselves about it. He glanced over it and soon, Ren heard the man clear his throat.

Ren hated that. Just to imagine what was going on in that man's throat as he cleared it. He shivered some.

Why was he thinking of things so odd? Maybe he was OCD then. Maybe it was just part of being 'schizophrenic,' or something. He knew the man before him seemed to know all the answers. So why fret over it?

The man spoke slowly. "You are... schizophrenic?"

Tao Ren grunted. He just read the damn thing. He should know. They all did. They just took pride in asking. Ren silently rolled his eyes when the man glanced down at the paper and he spoke as the man gazed back up.

"Maybe."

_Well, I said 'Hey, Hallelujah,'_

_I'm gonna come on; sing the praise._

_I like the spirit coming through you._

_We got innocence for days._

The man was not here for games. But he could not help but laugh.

This character before him seemed to be perfectly fine... that is, before Ren began to adjust his shirt, noticing that the clasps weren't placed upon both sides of his shirt equally.

The man began to write down on his notepad, "possible signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder," and he continued his legal interrogation of the guilty innocent.

"Tell me about your sister."

Ren's eyes widened some. That request alone, stung. But he wasn't about to let the man before him know that. Ren readjusted the way he was seated and he crossed his arms a bit. The man wrote down another note, before he glowered back up, as if not happy that Ren was lounging so comfortably, when it was known that in other offices, he was more uptight, and complained about everything and anything.

Tao Ren, spoke out, beginning to rewind back to his past. "My sister Jun Tao... ahhh Juney," he purred, closing his eyes some in remembrance. The man leaned in some, placing his notepad down and resting his elbows on the desk, as if trying to listen intently.

Ren continued.

"My sister was... my everything. She encouraged me, told me my flaws in a means for me to fix them. She was... like the mother I never had."

As Ren spoke those words, the man looked down into the file, as if going to check the status of his mother, and get a background on why he felt like he wasn't close to her. He was surprised to see little to no information on his mother.

Ren could see that impression on his face, and he was half way amused to say the very least.

"She isn't deceased. I had full contact with her. I was simply not close to her," Ren said in a whisper, for the same reason that most people whispered; to make you listen. The man leaned in some before he looked back down at the notepad, scribbling something else down. Ren saw slight frustration, and he knew that with the right wood, he would let the fire burn.

Tao Ren let his voice continue, whether the man asked of him or not. He wanted to feel one step ahead. In truth he was. He had read many books on psychology, and he could easily answer the classic textbook response to anything that this man could throw at him.

"I believe that my sister was the second most influential person in my life, Dr..."

A swift glance at his plaque on his desk told him the name that he regretted to inform him of. Dr.Hawk.

Humph. What an odd name, Ren reasoned.

"Hawk."

Dr.Hawk looked back up, ignoring the fact that Ren found out his name. "And.. the MOST influential...?" he asked.

"My father."

_Well, I think I'm gonna burn in Hell._

_Everybody burn the house right down._

The man seemed thoroughly interested in Ren.

So far everyone before him were a bunch of kleptomaniacs, narcissists, and fools with anger management problems or ADHD. Ren was different.

Tao Ren... was unique.

What other guy had golden eyes, purple hair, born on the first of January, with an AB blood type and a vampyre smirk?

On top of that, he was now labeled a schizophrenic as well as a man, driven by chronic paranoia.

"Please... continue," the man said, making a hand gesture that Ren found unpleasing.

He wasn't stupid. That gesture was highly unwanted. None the less, he did as he was asked.

"My father is an overbearing man with few principles; based upon the foundations upon which my family was built."

Dr.Hawk nodded and folded his fingers together upon the desk; nodding, he knew of the history of this man's family, the Tao.

"Yes."

Ren smirked some. This man wasn't as dumb as he looked; he WAS wearing thick rimmed coke-bottle glasses that magnified his eyes about twenty times more than really needed, with a fake twenty dollar toupee that fringed in the back. He obviously wasn't aware. Silly man.

"My father believed that... if I did not take the initiative to control and manipulate others, that they would do the same to me. I was told the act of, 'destroy or be destroyed,' so to speak," Ren said quite professionally, as if he were speaking of someone other than himself.

He was now, Tao Ren, telling the story of... the man he had become.

"Any... family history you'd like to go over? Good? Bad? Ugly?" Dr.Hawk inquired.

Ren nearly chuckled at the odd wording he chose, but instead decided to gawk at the man, making him feel oddly uncomfortable in his presence. The Tao Heir loved to do such; making himself feel up and above. He needed that feeling like a drug. A feeling of pride. That was his previous addiction, before Kiyuki had come along.

Oh, she proved well enough to be the correct addiction, the way she...

"Mr.Tao?" Dr.Hawk asked, seeing that Ren seemed to space off for a moment, not answering the question. Tao Ren shook himself from his thoughts and began to continue.

"Well... my younger days were quite... different, than my days now. Back then, there was always something about to go off, with my family starting trouble; desperate to control the dark side of China's history, while continuing to rebuild... my family swore that they would overcome."

The man seemed intrigued by what Ren was telling him. Simply fascinating he thought. A first hand account of the infamous Tao Family.

Fact is... it's not like Ren would agree to talk about his family on something like the History channel. Then the next time he was watching TV, his click would lead him to watch himself, betraying his own family.

Not like it mattered what he said now.

_And say, ha, what I wanna say._

_Tell me I'm an angel; take this to my grave._

_Tell me I'm a bad man; kick me like a stray._

_Tell me I'm an angel; take this to my grave._

He began to rewind farther back into his past, trying to think of the next thing to say to this man, before he noticed something that was making his eye twitch.

Every second it was... and there, and there, and there.

It was bothering the Hell out of him.

His eyes were drawn to the executive toy on the desk before him. The ball on the left hit the three balls in the middle, transferring the energy to and fro. Ren's eyes studied it slowly, before realizing that the small sounds it were making... weren't aesthetically pleasing to him. His eyes uncontrollably twitched at the sound, reoccurring. Dr.Hawk noticed Ren's odd reaction to it and he watched his hues, moving back and forth with the executive toy.

Dr.Hawk looked up to speak before noticing that the 'toy' was now on the ground. Ren had swiped his hand over the table and pushed it off. He tried to do such as humane and sane as possible, though he couldn't help but jerk back in his seat and smile that the sound had ended.

The man looked toward him and didn't bare much of an expression.

"That... made you feel better?" Ren looked to the side a bit embarrassed-like, before he crossed his legs and placed his hands folded together in his lap once more. Tao Ren cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yes. That was most uncommon of myself but I just... couldn't take the insipid clinking and knocking every second."

Dr.Hawk nodded and he looked down at his notepad, scribbling some other things down, glancing up at Ren every two seconds it seemed. He seemed almost as annoying as he continued to repeat that small little ritual.

"Are you religious, Ren?"

The Tao blinked his eyes quickly and seemed off guard with that question. What in blazes did that have to do with anything?

"Are you?" Dr.Hawk repeated.

"Hardly," he murmured beneath his breath, unable to comprehend exactly what Dr.Hawk was getting at.

Hawk simply kept his eyes on Ren, wondering the meaning behind the words before he began to explain himself.

"Most paranoids are of course... paranoid of many things, religion being one. Are you perhaps, afraid of people talking or judging you for the things you believe, religious or not? Are you perhaps... avoidably trying to just, walk around the things that you secretly are interested in for the sake of everyone else around you?"

Ren's mouth simply hung agape. He wasn't sure how to answer that. Religious? Not quite... he'd been called a sinner on more than one occasion, but on other levels, he had been trying to avoid clubs and places, for fear of finding Kiyuki there.

He wasn't going to lie; if she thought of bringing herself back to him, he would probably give into her.

He didn't want to find another girl like her either. He needed to heal. He needed to. There was no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

He needed to become the Tao Ren he once was, and for that he needed lust out of the way.

Mixing business with pleasure just didn't work out for him anymore.

Seeing as how he broke into a moment of silence, Dr.Hawk looked up at him before waving his hand slightly, causing Ren to jump up some in agitation, slamming his rather shaky white hands to the desk, his shoulders shuddering.

"NO! I don't give a damn about what anyone else thinks!"

Dr.Hawk simply stared at him, unmoved, before uttering, "It's okay, Ren. I have your information here."

That did it for Ren. It slammed him like a punch to the gut. The doctor already had it through his head, what and who he was. This, talking to him, was only putting it farther through this man's head, what he was. It was... guilty until proven guilty.

No matter what Ren said or anything, this man could turn it into some psychological disorder, and continue to label him... with nothing but a dull stare on his face.

That is how Ren understood it.

Did he have no morals?

Did he have any sense of defense, Ren wondered, as he jumped upon the table on his knees, grabbing the man's throat and holding it tightly, looking into his eyes.

Ren intently glared, a fire burning in his throat before he let it lose; screaming, savage.

"I don't care what you think of me... Call me what you want and kick me when I'm down... but I can get up, and you can't!"

With that, he twisted his head around with a sickly crack.

_S-I-N, I S-I-N, S-I-N, I S-I-N, S-I-N, I S-I-N, S-I-N, I S-I-N_

_You play ring around the ambulance like you never gave a care._

Ren murmured beneath his breath, pulling a cigarette from his thin sharp lips, dropping it to the ground and stomping on it with the bottom toes of his shoe, twisting his foot upon it.

"I'm a sinner."

"Obviously, Ren," spoke the bluenette sitting beside him.

The slightly older man at the left of Ren was none other than an old friend of his.

Horokeu Usui; one person he could never let himself forget about.

Horohoro was a good friend of his... despite how they had always argued and such whenever they were in feet of each other. They had a secret understood friendship. Ren loved to be bothered by Horohoro at times, since it seemed that Horohoro wanted to take that time out of the day to be with him, whether it was bothersome or not.

Ren remembered their secret relationship.

After that fraud Nyorai was revealed to not even have a Shaman Team after Team the Ren already defeated her, it was a victorious victory to say the least, but Ren wasn't exactly calm afterwords.

He doubted himself a bit; a bit more than he should. Was he living the life he lived in vain?

This, darkness in his heart felt so real at times...

Ren would be full of despair at times.

Horohoro would just hold him in the middle of the night. They never did anything else. Ren clung to him like an older brother. He was there when he was alone, and it would be proven that they would risk their lives for one another.

When the Shaman Tournament ended... they split ways, only speaking now and again. Not like Ren wanted it that way, it just seemed to happen. He wasn't as strong as he was before. He wasn't as smart as he was before. He was more audacious than he should be.

The Shaman Tournament was his life, and it was taken from him, when it was so much in his grasp.

His sister had passed, and he was stuck in this circle of pain, and he wanted out.

He only had distant friends now, and he was desperate for companionship. Ren seemed to be finding it in all the wrong places.

Horohoro looked toward him before watching Ren breathe out one last bit of smoke.

"That shit is bad."

Ren glanced toward Horohoro from the corner of his eye before he shrugged some, leaning back against the building he was seated against. He looked down at the ambulance and the hospital to the side. He was watching it. Dr.Hawk died. Autopsy was being done. He was pronounced dead at this very hospital.

Horohoro spoke up with, "It's amazing what you did."

Ren looked back over toward him before hearing him continue.

"Killed him, in a room with no cameras. Called the police, saying how the receptionist had asked for a raise and Dr.Hawk refused, before shoving her into the room with the dead Dr.Hawk, and locking the door, claiming that she was gonna kill you too. Pure genius. Few flaws but they won't dare suspect you."

Ren wasn't exactly following his logic. He jumped down from the building's 2nd story railing and he stood up straight, leaning against a parked ambulance.

"Why not? I'm a freaking psycho to them."

Horohoro smirked wildly as he jumped down beside him.

"And that, is why."

_So, get the choir boys around you._

_It's a compliment, I swear._

_And I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down._

_I wanna hear you sing the praise._

"No matter what happens, you can plead insanity, and the most they can do to you is throw you in an asylum, and you already know how to get out of there."

Ren nodded some, before it slowly began to click.

"Ohhh. Not only would that be too obvious, but if they truly wanted justice against Dr.Hawk's killer, they would go for the one that has the best chances of getting their ass thrown in prison for 2nd degree murder."

"The receptionist," Horohoro said in unison with Ren, passing him his cell phone. "Hold that for me."

Ren smiled for once in a while toward his old companion, placing the cell phone in his pocket, before he heard snickers from behind him. Turning around completely he noticed a figure he never thought he would see. Spotting Kiyuki and her new man Tso, Ren blinked slightly, before grinning.

"Well, look what the corner produced."

The red haired man cracked his knuckles some before stepping forward, wrapping his arm around Kiyuki's waist. He hated the sight he was staring upon.

She was still Kiyuki, but he could see how drugs made her skinnier, how sex stained her clothes, how this life made her dirtier.

Standing there in a soiled salmon colored tank top that rose above her tummy, without a bra, and a pair of jean shorts that barely covered any part of her legs; probably without any undergarments of any kind.

She had a belly button piercing now, but it looked infected. She had a cigarette between her lips, and she graciously accepted the arm around her waist, tight enough to cause bruising.

Part of Ren wanted to take Kiyuki back in and just give her a fucking bath; make her look beautiful again, before sending her back into the world.

The other part of him took control however, and he could do nothing but laugh at how filthy she looked. He had no clue how Tso could turn her into something so smutty, and still find sex appeal in her.

Kiyuki laughed some before breathing smoke out, feeling Tso kiss at her neck, that was almost brown now; probably from a lack of a good shower.

"I have a better life with Tso, Ren. **Jealous**?" she inquired, with almost a disgusting amount of emphasis on that word.

Ren then saw it. Right where Tso was kissing... scar. On her arms, marks. On her legs, cuts.

It was simply repugnant to see, honestly.

He didn't want to be here and stare at such a fulsome sight such as this.

Ren shook his head and he turned to walk away, grabbing Horohoro by his sleeve to pull him along.

Horohoro had stayed silently all the while, not saying a word until he heard an insult from Tso.

"Ha, I knew he was gay."

Horohoro turned around faster than Ren could react to, and in the blink of an eye, blood was dripping down Tso's nose as he was knocked flat on the ground, Horohoro's fist crashing into his face.

"Horohoro!" Ren was shocked, to say the least.

He hadn't seen Horohoro use such brutal action on someone all the sudden.

Horohoro spit onto Tso's face and he scowled, nudging him in the side with his foot.

"I'd suggest you take that back."

Then, like a rush of wolves, they appeared. All around them; all surrounding Ren and Horohoro, were men, all wearing relatively the same outfit as Tso. Horohoro kept his eyes on Tso, while Ren looked around at all of the men, gawking slightly before taking his eyes back over to Kiyuki.

"Yes, bring all the boys you've seduced out here to protect you, Kiyuki."

Kiyuki's optics fumed and she threw the cigarette to the side, not even caring to stomp it out, before speaking.

"I don't know who you think you are, saying that. What're you calling me a whore?"

Ren smirked some, not daring to go the whole nine yards and cross his arms. He needed to stay on his guard.

"Of course not, that'd be too much of a compliment. I'm simply stating that you're wearing the uniform."

Ren snickered some, before the men surrounding them began to close in. Kiyuki smirked some toward Ren, before looking back toward her love, which was on the ground with a bloody nose and spit on his face. Tso wiped his face, but he didn't dare move; continuing to stare up at Horohoro.

Kiyuki kicked him in the side and scowled. "Get up you pussy, and fight for me."

Tso jumped up suddenly and Kiyuki made a squeal when he grabbed her by her arms and held her against the ambulance, with a grip tight enough to break her wrists. Pulling out a knife and holding it to her throat, Kiyuki's lips shut, and Ren's eyes opened.

"Listen, you little slut. You keep that mouth of yours SHUT before I shove something IN IT."

Kiyuki nodded quickly and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but she wouldn't dare cry in front of Tso.

Ren gripped his hand tightly into a fist before screaming.

"That's not how you treat a woman, you fucking asshole!"

Tso glared back with just as much hatred, if not more.

"Oh, now YOU'RE gonna tell me how to treat my whore. Just shove off, queer."

Ren's anger peaked.

_I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down._

_We got innocence for days._

_Well, I think I'm gonna burn in Hell._

_Everybody burn the house right down._

He bolted forward with enough strength to knock Tso over, but he felt a kick to his side that burned like fire. Ren hit the ground with a sickening thud, feeling that his arm had dragged along the ground and it was bleeding all over.

Horohoro screamed and he grabbed the man that had assaulted Ren, throwing him into Tso and Kiyuki.

Sooner than later, it began.

Total and complete chaos. A riot of fighting men. The only problem...

There were two of them, and about ten of the men.

Ren could feel startling punches to his stomach that lead him to his feet in pain, before coughing up an odd substance; mixture of phlegm, bile, vomit, and blood. It burned his throat like acid. Sooner than later his leg was grabbed from under him and his knee scratched against the concrete before his body collapsed without warning, his chin smashing into the ground. He could feel a hand grab at his hair and shake his head, while simultaneously feeling a hand pull at his trousers. He coughed some, unable to get a good breath at all.

Ren could feel the hand on his trousers pull his pants down and he cringed some, his mouth dripping with blood. He could've sworn from the blow to his chin that he broke a tooth, but he wasn't worried about that right now.

The men were surrounding him, and Horohoro was nowhere to be found. He looked up but he was too weak now to keep his head up any longer. He could feel them tear at his shirt. Were they stripping him? What were they planning on doing to him?

Ren's eyes widened when he heard one say, "Hows about we relieve our stress on this guy."

Ren's strength, dropped to the ground like a ball of lead.

They were going... to do THAT?!

Ren fought against them and he tried to scream, but it only came out as a weakened wail; the men holding their hands over his mouth and looking down at their prize.

Oh God, was Kiyuki going to watch? Had Tso planned this? Where was Horohoro?

He couldn't see anything but shifting black; the black that the men were wearing.

He couldn't feel anything but hands; the hands that were running all over him.

He couldn't hear anything but laughs; the laughs of the men that had no morals.

The sound of the police sirens had been drowned out by the laughter, but when it was loud enough and close enough that the lights burned Ren's eyes shut, he felt the grip on him release and he held his hands over his eyes to the blinding headlights.

That's probably why Horohoro wasn't here, but he wasn't exactly sure.

He just layed there and rolled away from the light, trying to find where his pants had went, but unconsciousness over took his body.

He could vaguely hear police speaking to him.

Was he alright?

Who had attacked him?

What was his name?

All of their questions faded into complete and utter darkness as he drifted off into nothingness.

_And say, ha, what I wanna say._

_Tell me I'm an angel; take this to my grave._

_Tell me I'm a bad man; kick me like a stray._

_Tell me I'm an angel; take this to my grave._

It all began to come into focus now. Ceiling; off white; barely noticeable floral pattern. His nose twitched to the smell of old people, sick people... too clean of a room. The scent gave him a headache. He knew where he was now. It had to be the hospital. Slowly trying to sit up, he looked beside him to the nurse. She smiled shyly, helping Ren to sit up.

"Good morning, Mr.Tao. Do you know where you are?"

Ren took a good look around, and he rubbed his head some, having a massive headache. He couldn't bring himself to speak yet. The nurse saw him rubbing his head and reacted.

"Need some Tylenol?"

Ren didn't speak, and he barely even nodded, feeling more than just out of it. The nurse nodded and walked out of the room for a moment, leaving Ren in there. He rubbed his face in his eyes, feeling a bit cold and clamy. Feeling restricted movement in his left arm, he looked over to see that it was wrapped with a bandage. It didn't feel broken. It stung. He could feel bruises; aching all over his body the bruises where brownish black, he saw as he lifted the sheet and the hospital gown.

That's right... that fight with Tso and his gang. Ren felt so embarrassed to had been attacked that way. Even worse... he felt so embarrassed when faced with the memory of what they were about to do. How could he let such a thing take it's course?

Good thing the police got there.

He was broken from his thoughts when the nurse walked back in and handed him a pill and a paper cup with water in it.

"Here you go, Mr.Tao."

Ren nodded slowly before placing the pill in his mouth and swallowing the water, the liquid taking the medicine with it. Perhaps it was merely a placebo effect but he began to feel better almost immediately. He twisted his head to the side, hearing his bone crack before rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ahhh," Ren murmured before looking back up at the nurse.

Ren looked beside him, the possessions that had occupied his pockets were laying there, cigarette case with a note, that smoking wasn't allowed, his lighter, Horohoro's cell phone, and a dollar fifty in change. He didn't really remember whatever else he might or might not have had in his pockets, but he didn't really care.

The nurse looked at him, as if waiting for him to say something. It irked him like nothing else so he looked her in the eyes and spoke, "Can you get me a glass of water?"

No sooner did she leave, did a text message appear on the screen of Horohoro's cell phone.

Ren didn't want to be nosy, but he couldn't help it. Picking up the phone, he looked at the words, from an unknown number that for some reason, the phone couldn't identify. That was odd enough to grab the young Tao's attention.

_"Sugintao cemetery; eleven pm"_

Those were the only words.

As the nurse stepped back into the room she noticed that Ren was not seated where he had been in the bed, and all of the items on the table were gone, with the window was open. This was the third floor! The nurse opened the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ren, since it seemed apparent that he ran away, but she could only see the dark of the night and the swaying trees against the wind.

The moon was full on this night.

_You better run like the devil cause they're never gonna leave you alone._

_You better hide up in the alley cause they're never gonna find you a home._

Stepping down the dark street in nothing but a hospital gown wasn't the smartest idea Ren had, but it was something. He already knew who had left the text, and why he was gonna be here. His thoughts were confirmed when he looked ahead of him and noticed the bluenette standing beside a tombstone, his eyes fixed upon Ren.

Horohoro.

Suddenly a nervous, sickly feeling came over Ren. He wasn't sure about exactly what it was. There was a disturbance as he looked toward Horohoro. Something was up, definitely. Ren moved to speak, but Horohoro beat him to it.

"I saw what they did. I wanted to help you, I really did... but I couldn't be caught by the cops. I feel like such a... jerk for leaving you."

Ren sighed some and he shook his head before Horohoro stole his chance to speak once again.

"Tso and Kiyuki are never gonna leave you be, Ren. Tso is a gangster around here, that keeps on someone that crossed him once, until they are dead. There is no one else around here that you can trust, Ren, but me. No one else is gonna help you... but I will. I will help you, kill every one of the bastards that hurt you; tonight."

Ren just stared at Horohoro, seeing a friendship he had never noticed. He really cared a lot. That was Ren's understanding. They hadn't grew apart as friends. The distance merely increased their brother-like bond. He slowly walked towards him, before seeing him open his arms up.

A hug? Ren wasn't exactly sure if he was up for that, but they were warm and inviting.

Ren stepped into them and he sighed some, giving him a hug before feeling him pull back and smirk.

"Hey, don't get all cozy or anything. We have a serious murder to plan. Get in a killing mood."

Ren didn't even think twice. He looked up at the full moon and his golden eyes adjusted to the lighting of the blue smokey hue that was the moon.

Within minutes Horohoro and Ren were safe inside the bathroom beside the temple at this particular cemetery. It was a more, modern one, so to speak. Horohoro smirked some before looking at the crespuscular mirrors, showing off the shadows in the dark.

"I am going to lure them in here. You may do what you wish to them."

Ren seemed out of it. His mind was not paying attention to a word that Horohoro said. He was in the zone. He slowly crept back into a stall and he stayed silent.

Silent as the grave.

Soon enough, Horohoro was outside, placing fake blood to his forehead and his his torso. He had to make it seem as real as possible. Once Tso and his gang came by the cemetery, beings it was their signature hangout, Tso was the first one to grin, seeing what appeared to be a man in pain.

"Lookie here, boys. He doesn't look too tough anymore," Tso spoke with the utmost pride in his voice.

Horohoro looked up weakly and he coughed, lifting a shaking hand toward the bathroom, his eyes able to commit tears.

"Th-there's a m-m-monster of a man in there... RUN... R-RUN AND S-SAVE YOURS-SELVES!" he screamed, clinging to Tso's foot, soon receiving a kick in the jaw, that caused real blood to spurt from his mouth.

Coughing, feeling for a broken tooth, Horohoro layed there, listening to their chatter.

"Monster of a man, eh? We'll see about that," he said, with his boys following him into the bathroom.

No sooner did they enter, did the door close and lock behind them, Horohoro holding the key to lock it from the outside.

Some of them screamed in protest, calling it a worthless hoax, but all went silent at the sound of heavy breathing.

"Who... who's there?"

With a lunge, the door of the stall was kicked off the hinges, and a roar that sounded half inhuman erupted from the force of the blow. Of course it was obvious who it was, as Tso glanced at the mirror, seeing that familiar man, only his eyes, were flaring with animalistic behavior.

There would be blood.

_And as the blood runs down the walls, you see me creepin' up these halls._

_I've been a bad motherfucker; tell your sister I'm another._

_GO GO GO!_

Tso kept his guard up, whilst the boys around him cringed in panic, seeing a hand from behind the stall, grab the wall, scratching at it with fingernails, before Ren made his presence known. Little was known about what kind of mind state Ren was in, but it was obvious that it was not conscious, and that it was acting on the sheer fact that he wanted to kill them... kill them all. Ren slowly stepped closer, before scowling.

His fist made sharp contact with the glass, breaking shards of it from the mirror, cutting his fist with glass and sending it all over the bathroom floor. The boys stepped back, but Tso didn't, staring intently toward Ren.

"Now what are you gonna do?" the crimson tressed man inquired.

Ren grabbed the largest piece of glass that his hands could hold and began to creep closer.

Now, Tso, began to slow slight bouts of fear in his eyes, so he began to change his game up, trying to have the upper hand.

"Boys, take him down. I'll try to open the door," he said as brave as he could, moving to the back of the boys and yanking his fingers at the doorknob.

The boys slowly creeped toward Ren, not knowing exactly what he was gonna do. Ren waited till one was foolishly within arm's reach, before grabbing the man by his shirt and spinning him toward him, curling the man's body against his own before slideing the glass along his throat. The rest of the boys had their eyes widen, seeing a waterfall of blood fall from his throat before Ren released him to the ground.

The boys then realized that this was serious. They all bolted toward him, thinking that all of them at once would be harder to take down then each one of them individually. Ren took the large slab of glass and held it before him, smashing it into the faces of the men, some of them stopping in their tracks, having got glass in their eyes. Ren could feel his own blood run, the glass cutting him as well.

Grabbing two spear like shards that were left, he stabbed the men in the throats, before pulling them together, running both shards through eachother's throats, watching their blood spurt as the jugular's were penetrated.

Ren was having fun. Destroying made him feel so alive. Breaking his TV made him happy. Destroying his cellphone made him happy. Killing Dr.Hawk and letting the petty receptionist take the blame made him happy. And now, killing every one of these men would make him happy. A laugh erupted from his throat, that chilled Tso to the bone as he tried still to open the door.

Ren didn't bother to speak. There was only two boys left, and then Tso. The boys just held their hands up and shook their heads, muttering at the same time, prayers to their God, and promises to never do evil again. Ren smirked some. How pathetic.

One death was quick, as he grabbed the one by his shoulders and used all of his strength to slam him against the glass mirror, breaking what was left of it, and leaving the man's head to slam against the concrete sink, his head cracking open, blood gushing. The other man took this opportunity to come at Ren, feeling that it was the perfect chance. Taking a glass shard from one of the past meh, he grabbed Ren and spun him around.

Ren was surprised by this and he felt his knees buckle beneath him from lack of blood, the shard missing his neck and hitting his shoulder. Ren screamed some, feeling the glass penetrate his arm before he clutched it, feeling the warm blood slip between his fingers.

Ren uttered a couple of words.

"Yo-your God won't save you... you don't deserve saving." Ren glowered up, and from the perspective of this man, Ren was a crazed lunatic, looking to find bleeders.

From the perspective of Tso, he was nothing more than a psycho that lost his chance, as he had finally opened the door and he fled the scene, freaked out enough from seeing all of his comrades murdered so brutally. From the perspective of Horohoro, Ren was indeed a monster of a man; one that he hadn't expected to see, as Ren pounced the man to the ground, his fingers, slippery with blood, clutching the shard, before jabbing it into the man's main artery in his neck, again and again and again.

This action was so intensifying to the young Tao, that it forced a rumble of a scream to let loose from his lips, finding joy in exterminating the man that had spoken those words...

_"Hows about we relieve our stress on this guy."_

Ren screamed one last time, driving the shard straight through his heart.

"YOU WANT TO USE ME?! YOU WANT TO?! YOU WANT?! **_YOU WANT?!_**"

Ren made a final roar of anger, his body now shaking as he sat over the body he just murdered. Horohoro looked inside of the bathroom, seeing all of the dead bodies, and Ren's shaking torso. Tears forced themselves from Ren's eyes. He was a murder, a sinner, a monster...

What had he really accomplished by doing this?

His mind would be so fucked up now. He couldn't contain himself. Bleeding all over the floor, Ren fell to the side, clutching his soaking wet hospital gown, his eyebrows furrowing with angst. Horohoro wanted to walk in and comfort him, like he always had... but he couldn't even bring himself to stare at the sight before him any longer.

And it wasn't long before Ren's friend had walked away, leaving Ren to lay there, his mind in shambles, his body shaking; bleeding; broken...

Time for the nightmares.

_And I shall say, what I wanna say._

_Tell me I'm an angel; take this to my grave._

_Tell me I'm a bad man; kick me like a stray._

_Tell me I'm an angel; take this to my grave._

_Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, baaad man._

_So c'mon._

_So get it on._

_S-I-N, I S-I-N!_


End file.
